This seems like a trend for me... there are times within the year when I'm just in the right place to blog and then I get in a place where I get clouded... but not clouded to write, I still write I just don't feel content with what I'm writing about. Sometimes I write an opinion and I think to myself "this is what I'm feeling but I know it's not what I believe." I think that's because I have a hard time lying to myself... I feel if I'm experiencing something negative that I should know better than to give in the falsities that come with it. So I'll write what I'm feeling but I always know better (or so I hope). And I guess that's what my blog's about... a human experience shared. So my fear in publishing these writings to the blog are that people will misinterpret or misunderstand my process or what I mean. Since I haven't posted anything in the last 6 months I'm going to be posting some "lost" writings. Here's one of many... some I may not post due to their intensity.
it's the feeling of loosing control. loosing someone who you put a great deal of love and effort into. it;s the feeling of having a bond of earnest love and trust being taken away from you against your will. It's the feeling of longing for something so bad but not being able to have it. It's the feeling of being wrong-done... of being betrayed... confusions and mixed emotions. It's the irritation of not being able to shake that feeling. It's the frustration of clouded vision. It's the regret of accepting grief and bitterness's invitation. It's the feeling of no motivation... when hope is thin and faith is gray. It's knowing that you're better than this but yet you remain. It's the feeling of wanting to be jaded, miserable and apathetic. Just leave me be... I'll take this one alone... maybe in order to flee this dark cloud I need to walk this trail alone.
A little dark... more to come.
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